Contrary to Popular Belief, This Former Tomboy Did Not Become A "Gender Confused" Adult

I think a large part of having a blog involves reading lots and lots of other blogs. Two of my favorites are The Bloggess and Hyperbole and a Half. But I'm usually stumbling across new ones all the time.

Recently, I came across a blog entitled Raising My Rainbow, in which the mother of two young sons writes about raising her effeminate, gender creative 5 year old. It's a thought-provoking, funny and, at times, heart-wrenching blog.

The author has mentioned often the stereotypical roles that have been placed on children by society from the very beginning. Mainly, in the area of dress and toys.

Since I've been doing some reflecting on my childhood lately, I began to think back to what I and my classmates preferred to do on and off the playgrounds. And upon this reflection, I came to a revelation. That yes.....society has been trying to conform children for years to identify with the gender roles of their physical sex.

I know......this is the moment where someone needs to shout "DUH!" in my general direction. But keep in mind......I've grown up as a sheltered, small-town girl with a super conservative family. I didn't even know anything about gender studies until going to college.

I guess I never really thought about this until recently, after I've been dubbed as a Rebel Without A Cause by relatives. Which I find ridiculous. I'm actually a Rebel With So Many Causes She Isn't Sure Which to Tackle First.

This week, it's gender stereotyping.

In religious ed, I was friends with a boy ("Jake") who absolutely loved his American Girl doll and insisted on bringing her to church. At the time, I remember hearing snarky comments by old women about this. Obviously, something was wrong with this kid. The word "fruit" was tossed around quite frequently. Which confused my young sensibilities because he certainly didn't look like a kiwi or an orange. Plus, I thought it was okay to play however you wanted to. Jake and I had most definitely enjoyed an afternoon playing Wedding Day, with the union between his Furby and my Fern Gully Crysta being proudly officiated by my red Power Ranger in vestments of tissue and scotch tape.

I also played with a younger kid ("Anakin") who absolutely loved the Jewel Princess book series. I don't remember even blinking when he asked me to play princesses with him after helping him read his favorite book. Hell, why not? The books were cool and Anakin was a fun kid. But I remember the sad and embarrassed look on that little guy's face when some boys my age began picking on him about his choice of reading and games. I destroyed them with all the anger my limited cussing vocabulary allowed at the time. But nothing took away that look in Anakin's eyes.

Remembering the boys I played with growing up and hearing the stories of other children now, I see that I had it pretty easy. There's the argument that girls tend to have it easier than boys with the issues of nonconforming toys. I suppose this must be true. My parents certainly never argued with me about my choices in toys. When my favorite aunt spoiled me at the toy store, she never blinked twice when I insisted on the pack of Hot Wheels or the western cap pistols complete with holsters. I don't remember being steered towards the Barbies or puking/peeing/crying baby dolls.

But I do remember one of my cousins being concerned over the fact his young son was playing with my old baby carriage on one visit.

I do remember the public outrage over a male purple Teletubby who carried a purse.

I do remember being extremely upset at the age of 7 because I was mistaken for a boy when I dressed up as a ninja for Halloween (this was before I discovered that pirates were by far more awesome).

I remember being upset a couple years later when I was again mistaken for a boy on Halloween because I was dressed as an extraterrestrial ambassador as opposed to my best friend who had chosen to be a belly dancer. (btw, it sleeted that All Hallow's Eve. Guess who had the slightly smarter and warmer costume?)

I was even more upset at the age of 12, the last time I went Trick or Treating in my neighborhood, when some older teenagers made comments and laughed about whether I was a boy or a girl. I was Harry Potter that year. Because Harry (besides Dumbledore and Hagrid) was my favorite. Not Hermione (I thought she was an annoying know-it-all at the time), not McGonagall (I was a little intimidated by her originally) but Harry freaking Potter. I remember returning home shortly after that, entirely upset about what had been my favorite costume ever.

Even though I ventured out to demand candy in other towns with high school friends and later dressed up for the hell of it in college, that was the last year I dressed in anything but a specifically female costume.

And I find that rather sad. How many other kids have possibly done that?

I grew up as a tomboy. I much preferred running around in the woods, pretending to fight invisible evil doers to playing tea time. I loved playing kickball or Legos with the younger kids in the after school program, instead of making jewelry or gossiping with the girls my age. When my younger cousin (hereafter called Lando) was old enough to play with, he was like a godsend in a playmate. He had tons of plastic swords he used to carefully store in between the couch cushions in the den. Our visits often broke out in epic lightsaber battles. Lando and I dreamed of having a fort to hide out in.

I was a grass-stained lanky kid with a backwards cap and a growing hatred for the color pink. My mother frequently told me that I should act more ladylike in public. Which basically meant, not muddying the dress I'd been forced into, not burping loudly and then laughing, not crossing my legs ankle to knee (I used to copy my dad like crazy), not spitting watermelon seeds all over the place, etc.

I replied that I did not want to be ladylike because "Ladies don't have any fun!" Hell, any classic character from Eliza Doolittle to Mulan could tell you that.

This is not to say I never did anything girly. I often played with Barbies and horses....although that playtime wasn't restricted to tea parties and household tasks. What usually happened were story lines to rival that of any common plot on All My Children or Days of Our Lives. I loved my dollhouse but that too resembled epic plots. More often than not a great disaster occurred that the family had to overcome or a simple vacation became a modern take on Swiss Family Robinson (I went through a period in which I was obsessed with shipwrecked stories).

My poor, ever-suffering toys and their daily emotional upheaval.

Starwars actions figures also often became a part of the larger stories. Obiwan became the rebellious teenage son who liked to ride motorcycles. Padme was a tomboy who particularly detested her mother's insistence on wearing "nicer clothes".

My cars were either specifically cars that I zoomed around (with or without accompanying sound effects) or skateboards for action figures/dollhouse dolls.

My favorites movies were The Little Mermaid and the Back to the Future Trilogy.

So I don't know if you could say I played like a girl or I played like a boy. I like to think that I played like a very creative child. From an early age, I think what playtime most indicated about me was that I was going to be a writer.

Today:

--One of my favorite movies is still Back to the Future.

--I still have a soft spot for Ariel but Belle, Mulan and Rapunzel have been more of who I've identified with over the past few years.

--I still think cowboys are more fun to be than cowgirls. Mainly because of my dislike of tassels.

--I still wear hats on backwards, on occasion.

--If you gave me a choice between a blue item and a pink one, I'll always head straight for the blue. But I'm accepting a little bit of pink in my life here and there. (I think the only reason I hated the color to begin with was because I was supposed to like it.)

--I like being girly now if the mood strikes.....I just think it's a waste of time and effort on a daily basis.

--I'd still rather play lightsaber fight or pirates than princesses with my younger cousins. However, tiaras? Totally awesome.

--I think I can rock a fedora better than my best guy friend can. Not that I'd admit it to him :-P

--I'm more obsessed with My Little Pony at 23 than I was at the age of 8. This is largely in part to the amazingness that is Lauren Faust.

See? I played with "boy toys", wore "boy sneakers", and sometimes even pretended to be a boy superhero and am I irreversibly screwed up? Am I gender confused? No. No, I'm not. And neither are the kids I grew up with. There's no confusion or so called "identity crisis". They know who they are and what they are about, whether they're gay, straight, bi or transgender, just like I know who I am and what I'm about.

I'm about equality and peace and love. I'm about shaking things up when change needs to happen and smoothing things over when calm is needed. I hate conforming to society. I'm comfortable enough in my own sexuality to call another girl attractive. I'm admittedly a hot mess but its actually due to societal and familial expectations and demands, not what I happened to be into at the age of 5.

And when I have kids someday , I will not only allow but encourage them to play or dress however they want. Because really, who cares? It's what makes them happy and I plan on raising happy, accepting and amazing little human beings.

And why do 6 year old boys with American Girl dolls or who dress in tutus and girls who love Superman or who wear "boy clothes" make society so damn nervous anyway? Who are they hurting exactly?

No one.

They're just breaking the walls society has boxed you in with for years. Let them crack, let them fall. When the dust clears, you'll see life for what it is: Something that's meant to be enjoyed by all.

So, join the revolution! Barbies and cowboy hats for all! WHOOHOO!

If you want to have your mind blown with the hypocrisy of Dr. Phil or just lose even more respect for him, go here: http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/258

Also, seriously, check out any of the blogs I mentioned. They are awesome and well-written by some truly amazing women ^_^