Shut off the sounds of Avril screaming about having a bad reputation on your phone.
Blink a few times. Let your eyes focus on the date and time on the screen.
Curse and grumble to yourself.
Check Facebook. Scroll through the newsfeed. Torture yourself by checking your friend's profile and his newly confirmed relationship status.
Grumble some more.
Check your notifications. Laugh at messages from your best friends. Smile at a valentine you were tagged in by a friend. Comment. Like. Check your messages. Message back and forth with a friend. Check newsfeed again. Ditto notifications.
Remind yourself to not ruin other people's day with your own discontent. Its just another day, after all.
Sigh. Hide under covers.
Lean over to flick lava lamp off. Sit up and get out of bed. Talk to yourself, words that are half reprimanding and half pep talk. "Well, that's quite enough time spent feeling sorry for myself."
Grab clothes, some of your favorites that you set out specifically for today. Go to the bathroom. Take a long, hot, shower. Debate singing. Decide you don't much feel like it. Talk to yourself instead.
Dry your hair and wonder whether you should be concerned about the amount of talking you've been doing to yourself today.
Put hair up. Put jewelry on. Wonder why you're even bothering.
Check the To Do list you made for yourself. Make a face.
Pet your sleeping cat on the way to the kitchen. Grab laptop and turn it on. Torture yourself further on Facebook. Tear up. Shake your head, suck it up and open Youtube. Listen to def jam poetry as you make brunch.
Open fridge. Open cabinets. Stare at stove. Make another face. Debate how early in the day it is socially acceptable to start drinking.
Make really sweet tea instead. Make oatmeal. Load it with maple syrup and brown sugar. Throw in some raisins, so it at least resembles a healthy breakfast choice again.
Eat while watching more poetry. Nearly spray oatmeal everywhere while laughing at one performance. Wonder if that's a contributing factor as to why you are single. Shake it off. Decide to use that in a possible future poem.
Go into bathroom to practice your own performance poem that you finally memorized. Check your body language. Adjust it. Check your volume. Decide the acoustics are not the best in there. Continue anyway. Get all the way through the poem. Do a truly embarrassing victory dance.
Glance at reflection in bathroom mirror. Blink. Realize you look pretty damn hot. Decide any man's a moron who does not want to be with your sweet ass. Walk tall out of the bathroom.
Answer texts. Find valentine and chocolate from parents. Read card. Smile. Talk to a friend about many things, good and bad. Talk about plans. Actually feel excited about something. Laugh a hell of a lot.
Think about driving. Look at clock. Debate. Throw envelopes and deposit slip into bag. Debate again. Glare at To Do list. Move today's errands to the Wednesday section. Smile smugly at To Do list.
Begin making list of things to pack for Bonaroo. Begin making list of ways to make money for Bonaroo. Debate over old schoolbooks you no longer want. Start an ebay account to sell books. Look into selling them.
Get distracted by Twitter. Tweet something. Get distracted by all of the tweets from The Bloggess. Search for people on Twitter. Think about how creeped out celebrities might feel being followed by random fans. Wonder if you'll keep your Twitter when you're a famous author.
Get distracted by Ellen Degeneres tweets. Get distracted by Sophia Grace and Rosie videos on Youtube. Go back to Inforoo and your packing list. Get introduced to Flogging Molly. Squeal like a little girl. Debate whether you like them better than Dropkick. Decide that that's impossible to decide as they're both amazing.
Go back to ebay. Go through inventory of things to sell. Calculate bank account in head. Check job updates. Try to avoid looking at Facebook. Start eating chocolate.
Have an extremely awkward conversation with a guy in a call center who really wants to help you further your education. Try to explain you've already furthered your education. Have that be ignored. Listen. Finally hang up before collapsing into random hysterical laughter.
Tell friend about crazy call. Look at clock. Realize you have 2 minutes till the time you were supposed to pick up your mother at work. Swear. Run around, throwing dirty dishes into sink, grabbing mail and sorting it, getting bag, pulling jacket out of closet.
Tell friend you've gotta go. Run around some more, looking for hat and gloves. Find gloves. Decide that regular hat isn't going to cut it. Dump extra scarf and hat on sleeping cat. Get glared at by cat before he goes back to sleep.
Put on frog hat because it's nearly impossible to be sad while wearing it. Look for keys. Find keys. Almost lose gloves. Find them again.
Run outside. Get in car. Start it. Almost panic about backing out of driveway. Kick self mentally for being idiotic. Remember which way to turn the wheel to go in reverse. Successfully drive through town.
Give weird looks to the people passing by who are giving you weird looks. Realize it's probably because of your fabulous frog hat. Decide again that you really need to get the hell out of this town. Smile energetically and wide eyed at everyone passing by. Hope you made them uncomfortable. Wonder if that's immature. Decide you don't really give a damn. Laugh to yourself.
Remember your music when you're almost there. Sing along to Hands Clean. Pick up Mumsy. Answer call from Daddio (while parked, no worries!)
Drive back while chatting with mother. Get stuck in traffic. Get excited about being stuck in traffic for the first time. Get honked at. Make unsavory insinuations about the honker's parentage and intelligence. Finally arrive home.
Remind your mother that you promised to make dinner tonight. Decide what to make for dinner. Empty dishwasher. Begin to fill it again. Gather ingredients. Check clock. Set table. Check clock again. Start dinner.
Wash dishes. Suddenly find yourself singing. Realize you've just sang Killing Me Softly, You Were Meant For Me and Hands one after another. Decide to stop singing so as to not make your mother worry.
Work on dinner. Find yourself humming A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes. Feel instantly better.
Check Facebook. Find yourself on Yahoo Answers. See that no one answered your question. Click over to other people's questions. Scroll through. Find a sad sounding question in the adolescent section. Read it. Get reminded of your own love life in high school. Feel sorry for the kid. Decide to help her. Answer to the best of your ability.
Remember the dinner that you now hear boiling away. Race back to turn temperature down. Check clock. Begin talking to yourself again about everything you have to do. Hear Daddio arrive home. Race around finishing dinner.
Sit down. Get praised over everything that was made. Feel extremely pleased with self. After dinner, show parents the adorable video Google did. Share a funny slam love poem with them. Eat quite possibly the best chocolate cheesecake ever, by Mumsy.
Check email. See that the girl whose question you answered has thanked you and said yours was the most helpful of the answers she received. Feel really happy about helping someone.
Decide the best way to celebrate today is by spreading love via the internet. Go back to Yahoo Answers. Scroll through questions. Answer some more questions on relationships, psychology, books, and anime.
Gossip with a friend. Watch Stargate with Mumsy. Drool over Dr. Daniel Jackson. Realize the similarity to Milo Thatch from Atlantis. Laugh hysterically.
Decide to write a blog about today. Debate over what to say.....and then decide to write a really insanely long blog recounting the entire day. Start typing. Turn on Pandora. See that Yanni comes up. Try to remember when the hell you added Yanni radio. Notice an add for Love Stinks radio.
Turn that on. Find yourself listening to an insane collection of oldies, with some Ting Tings and Maroon 5 thrown in. Continue writing blog. Pause to play air guitar to You Give Love a Bad Name. Realize you haven't ingested anything alcoholic all day and that there are only two empty spaces in your chocolate box.
Blink a few times. Feel a little pleased. See.....it was just another day. And it wasn't even that bad of a day. Rock out to The Supremes and The Clash.
Finish blog, knowing that tomorrow is another day. And it's going to be fabulous.
And maybe, just maybe, I will wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy.
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