So....this entry is going to be a little more intimate than usual. Well....maybe not that much more....considering all that's been discussed so far. But anyhoo.
A couple months or so ago, I decided that as an adult or, at least, as a girl who's trying to be kinder to herself....I need to take another look at life. And what exactly I want out of it.
Part of this was looking at a little list I made over a year ago about what I was looking for in a guy. I will admit.....at the time, I did kind of have a guy in mind. But everything on the list was true. And pretty specific. The list overall still holds true. A lot of things on there are things that are really important....and what I absolutely will not back down on.
I want someone who is willing to communicate, instead of storming off or keeping everything bottled up. Someone who is not going to lie or try to control me or break promises (unless it can't be helped). That's very important. And I'd also like someone who can take a joke......and throw one back. that's pretty important too.
But I tried not to get too crazy because frankly, I was trying to not be demanding or crazy or superficial.
But I was missing something important there. I wasn't hoping. Like, at all. I was stating what I absolutely needed from a guy but not what I wanted. Not what I hoped for.....I never even acknowledged it.
Well I mean....I wanted those things too. But they weren't very detailed because I felt like I shouldn't be demanding anything. Or expecting too much. I didn't want to be a high maintenance chick. And besides, fairy tales are just that, right? Life is not a movie.....no matter how much you wish it would play out like one.
And then I realized......that I was thinking negatively by NOT wanting those things. By thinking it would make me somehow unappealing or stupid to actually wish and hope for a decent guy. I was not allowing myself to be treated amazingly or at least, respectfully, by not voicing these. So....here it is. What I want.
(I always feel like a little creepy voice is going "Be careful what you wish for...." in the background after a statement like the above .) O_o
1) As creepy as it might sound.....I want a guy who'd stand outside my house in the morning, holding a boombox, blasting a song that's meaningful to both of us.
Or pull me onto a riding lawn mower so we can lawn mow off into the sunset. Or a guy who would run after me in the rain. Or defy all stereotypes and cliques and expectations to just be with me. Wow.....I guess what I really want is to live an 80's flick. Only, with better hairstyles and clothing. And more technology. That's kind of sad ahaha. But I mean, it would be nice to have a guy who would be willing to do ridiculous stuff like that. For me. Because....it always felt like in the past....I was the only one willing to do that. For someone else.
2) Although, I will add to the first statement, I prefer it when guys call before they come over.
As a general rule. It tweaks me out and makes me feel all paranoid and skittery as a squirrel if there's any possibility of people showing up out of nowhere. I'm not too big on those kind of surprises anymore. So....yeah. Common courtesy and respect would be nice.
3) I'd like a guy to hear me say, "I'm fine," then sit down in front of me, look me in the eye and say, "You're lying." And then actually listen to me afterward when he pries my real feelings out of me.
4) I want to have one of those movie kisses.....
Where nothing else is there but just the two people kissing. (Which I've already technically experienced but....yeah. I'd like to know that that can happen a second time.)
5) I want to be entirely and randomly swept away by passion.
I mean, I've felt large amount of passion for someone before, a confusing and overwhelming swirl of love, lust and intense emotions. But...never acted upon it. Well, at least not in the way that most people act on it in the movies or romance novels. But....I want that. I want to be completely swept away with someone else. And have that moment of just crazy, random, insane passion. Just to know that it really exists. That is does happen. That I can have something like that with someone else. That someone else can feel that for me too.
6) I want a guy who sees me, all of me.
And accepts me, does not want to change or stifle me. Doesn't want me to play some role that he envisions me as. Someone who just wants me to be me.
7) I want someone who will let me love them.
Someone who will let me in and allow me to get close to them. Okay, I'll admit, I'm a sucker for someone who's got the overall aura of a cactus......but there's only so many time you can keep hugging what's stabbing back at you. After awhile, you just really end up wanting someone who's willing to let down their shields. Even if it's only for you.
8) And I guess what I really really want......
A couple months or so ago, I decided that as an adult or, at least, as a girl who's trying to be kinder to herself....I need to take another look at life. And what exactly I want out of it.
Part of this was looking at a little list I made over a year ago about what I was looking for in a guy. I will admit.....at the time, I did kind of have a guy in mind. But everything on the list was true. And pretty specific. The list overall still holds true. A lot of things on there are things that are really important....and what I absolutely will not back down on.
I want someone who is willing to communicate, instead of storming off or keeping everything bottled up. Someone who is not going to lie or try to control me or break promises (unless it can't be helped). That's very important. And I'd also like someone who can take a joke......and throw one back. that's pretty important too.
But I tried not to get too crazy because frankly, I was trying to not be demanding or crazy or superficial.
But I was missing something important there. I wasn't hoping. Like, at all. I was stating what I absolutely needed from a guy but not what I wanted. Not what I hoped for.....I never even acknowledged it.
Well I mean....I wanted those things too. But they weren't very detailed because I felt like I shouldn't be demanding anything. Or expecting too much. I didn't want to be a high maintenance chick. And besides, fairy tales are just that, right? Life is not a movie.....no matter how much you wish it would play out like one.
And then I realized......that I was thinking negatively by NOT wanting those things. By thinking it would make me somehow unappealing or stupid to actually wish and hope for a decent guy. I was not allowing myself to be treated amazingly or at least, respectfully, by not voicing these. So....here it is. What I want.
(I always feel like a little creepy voice is going "Be careful what you wish for...." in the background after a statement like the above .) O_o
1) As creepy as it might sound.....I want a guy who'd stand outside my house in the morning, holding a boombox, blasting a song that's meaningful to both of us.
Or pull me onto a riding lawn mower so we can lawn mow off into the sunset. Or a guy who would run after me in the rain. Or defy all stereotypes and cliques and expectations to just be with me. Wow.....I guess what I really want is to live an 80's flick. Only, with better hairstyles and clothing. And more technology. That's kind of sad ahaha. But I mean, it would be nice to have a guy who would be willing to do ridiculous stuff like that. For me. Because....it always felt like in the past....I was the only one willing to do that. For someone else.
2) Although, I will add to the first statement, I prefer it when guys call before they come over.
As a general rule. It tweaks me out and makes me feel all paranoid and skittery as a squirrel if there's any possibility of people showing up out of nowhere. I'm not too big on those kind of surprises anymore. So....yeah. Common courtesy and respect would be nice.
3) I'd like a guy to hear me say, "I'm fine," then sit down in front of me, look me in the eye and say, "You're lying." And then actually listen to me afterward when he pries my real feelings out of me.
4) I want to have one of those movie kisses.....
Where nothing else is there but just the two people kissing. (Which I've already technically experienced but....yeah. I'd like to know that that can happen a second time.)
5) I want to be entirely and randomly swept away by passion.
I mean, I've felt large amount of passion for someone before, a confusing and overwhelming swirl of love, lust and intense emotions. But...never acted upon it. Well, at least not in the way that most people act on it in the movies or romance novels. But....I want that. I want to be completely swept away with someone else. And have that moment of just crazy, random, insane passion. Just to know that it really exists. That is does happen. That I can have something like that with someone else. That someone else can feel that for me too.
6) I want a guy who sees me, all of me.
And accepts me, does not want to change or stifle me. Doesn't want me to play some role that he envisions me as. Someone who just wants me to be me.
7) I want someone who will let me love them.
Someone who will let me in and allow me to get close to them. Okay, I'll admit, I'm a sucker for someone who's got the overall aura of a cactus......but there's only so many time you can keep hugging what's stabbing back at you. After awhile, you just really end up wanting someone who's willing to let down their shields. Even if it's only for you.
8) And I guess what I really really want......
I want someone who thinks I'm worth it.
That would be nice.
Property of Disney :)
No comments:
Post a Comment
Please leave a message after the ......wait...this isn't a voicemail!