FML--It's Twilight

So I realized something unsettling today. I am Bella.

Yes, you read that correctly. Bella. As in Bella Swan, worst emo ever created since Jane Eyre.

How could such a thing happen? you might ask. How does one come upon a realization such as this. Well, I'll tell you, it was an unpleasant thing to find staring me in the face.

I was sitting with The Boy, my head leaning on his shoulder, being all silly and clingy and nuzzling-like, and thinking about my stomach. You see, I woke up this morning to the loudness caused by my parents (apparently our dog took off and they were screaming for him, chasing him down the road.....fun times) and instnatly, my brain, which had apparently been dealing with unpleasant dreams was then full of freaking out about schoolwork. I was curled up in bed, fighting the womanly time and a sudden panic attack. Which, you know, was just lovely.

So I was still feeling out my innards, because they're rather testy and thinking about how much my stomach was acting up becuase of my stress. And I nuzzled further and realized that I was not coming home again until most likely, winter break. Which is only three weeks away (!!!!!!!) but still.......

So my stomach twisted some more. Because I'm away at school, which has been harder this semester since I've become a nutcase. And because I really am depending on The Boy a hell of a lot. Which I know is not exactly healthy. But.....I just feel better when I'm with him. I mean, I can still panic.....but for the most part, I feel better when I'm sitting with him and being silly.

And the more I thought about it........the panic attacks, the freaking out, the blagh feeling, the down-ness, the disconnection, the only-feeling-ok-when-with-him.............I realized that I......had become something I did not like.

I am Bella. I freak out when I'm not with my boy, at varying degrees, depending. I have freak outs and feel better with him. Only....The Boy's not an Edward. He's more Jacob if anything....but he's not that either. Agh.

This is horrible. I'm a clingy emo with no feelings. Which is an oxymoron. I think.

*bangs head on desk*