The Time I Fell In Love With a Fictional Character

I know, I know.....teenagers say this. Usually it's someone from a movie or a book or a show.

My friends and I used to joke about being in love with characters from anime or books. We'd make lists of which male characters were "ours." 

My best friend and I have also joked about being in love with Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice.

But this particular instance that I want to talk about is the few months in which I actually fell in love with a fictional character.

No joking, no making lists. Real. Genuine. Love. 

This is about the time I fell in love with The Doctor. 

                                          vashtaneradasbitch.tumblr.com -

 I mean.....just look at that face. How can you not love that face?


It started out as admiration. I truly admired him. He's brilliant, eccentric, compassionate, fun-loving, and amazing. He can be a bit rude sometimes but he doesn't really mean it in a nasty way. At least, as long as you're not being an ass.

He also never gives up hope. Not really.  He will do anything for his friends and what's more, he brings out the best in them. He shows them how amazing and adventurous life can be. He teaches them what loyalty and compassion truly is. He shows them how brilliant they really are. 

He hates weapons. He looks for non-violent solutions but knows that sometimes you have to take a stand. He says never give up; there's always a loophole; there's always a chance; sometimes, some days everyone lives!

He is a kind man but also a hard man. 

As I continued watching his face and personality change, I saw what remained the same. The dark side of him. The anger. The guilt. The sadness. 

I bawled my eyes out when he said goodbye to Rose. I rejoiced when he found Donna again. I cried again when he said goodbye to Rose yet again....and cursed the writers. And then I just cried a whole lot more when Ten turned to Eleven. 

And as I got used to Eleven, I continued to see those same pieces of who the Doctor really is all along. The Boy Who Ran Away. The Oncoming Storm. The Thief. The Raggedy Doctor. 

And I saw a great man. He's a good man, no matter what wrongs he may have done, what mistakes he had to learn from, what horrors he unleashed on enemies. (I don't care if he murdered Empress Rossca's children; they were spiders, they should go the hell away.)

He tries so hard to do the right thing, to save everyone, to keep on standing up for what is right. A lot of the time, it doesn't work out as well as planned. People die, good people. He has to say goodbye to so many friends. The world may be saved but not everyone is there to see it. Not everyone knows what good he does to keep the universe safe. 

He's just one man. 

And I know that he's a fictional character. But for one summer, he was as real to me as you, (people of the internet), and I. I loved him. Admired him. And most of all, aspire to be as great a person as he is. For an imaginary man. 

Considering how some of my peers might idolize the Kardashians or some crappy rapper, I guess maybe having a fictional character for a hero isn't that bad.

I'll keep hoping,  like a child, that someone like him is real. I'll wish harder than I ever wished to see the Borrowers in my living room wall; more than wishing my animals could talk; even more than while waiting for my Hogwarts letter that never came. Because The Doctor is just the kind of brilliant man to save us from ourselves. 

But in the meantime, I'll try to be that kind of ....woman. I think that the way the world is going, we could all gain a lot by aspiring to be brilliant. 

                                              www.fanpop.com

Just When I Think I'm So Grown Up....

I was at work at Grace Bros tonight and overheard my coworkers talking about someone.

Humphries: "She's so quiet you know....just walks by without really saying anything." That grabbed my attention. I moved nearer, pretending that I was straightening clothes on the rack.

Humphries: "I wouldn't mind going out and having a beer with her but she's just..."
Rosie: "Yeah I noticed. She doesn't always seem to know the right thing to say. It's too blunt."
Now I was really curious....and also concerned. The very human thing, you know. Overhear some gossip and instantly think it's all about you. Obviously.

But I legit thought it was about me. I already know everyone gossips. It happens. I gossip a lot too. Try not to but...it happens. But one thing I know about gossip is that no one is safe from it. Take part in it and as soon as your back is turned, you're the one being gossiped about.

So, I really honestly thought they were talking about me. I'm quiet. Sometimes maybe too blunt.

Especially the way they kept saying "She's such a nice girl but...."

I'm a nice girl. At least, that's what my co workers think. I think.

Humphries: "She's such a nice girl but she doesn't know how to talk to people."
Rosie: "Yeah a customer already told her 'I'm not sure if you realize that but you sound really rude'."
Then I knew it wasn't about me....because I hadn't had a customer tell me I was rude. I'd been called other things but....not rude ahah. So I did relax.

Another coworker asked who they were talking about. They replied with my name. I blinked and went "What?" Now they knew I'd been eavesdropping. But one of them turned and laughed "Oh no not you....the other ____."

It made sense. She's actually even more introverted than myself. And suddenly I was feeling pretty good. Finally, I thought. I was not viewed as the weirdo. I was the social one. I had carefully constructed this friendly, open, ever-helpful, occasionally sarcastic persona that I plastered on like the smile on my face as soon as I walk in the automatic doors. No one saw through it.

Another coworker told me today that I'm always laughing. But I couldn't tell her that 75% of that laughter is forced by nerves.

When I learned that the gossip had not been about me, I felt superior. Powerful.

And then another part of me, the shy, ever-careful, compassionate part of me that gets pushed to the side lately woke up. And I felt horrible.

Why should I feel superior to her? Why should I find this powerful that I'm somehow saved the gossip about being "a nice girl but.....you know"? We're not that different, her and I. I've just forced this friendly suit on while she remains herself.

Maybe she's the superior one. She is her whole self. I pretend. And even though they view her as odd, they still said they wouldn't mind grabbing a drink with her sometime.

I still have yet to get even an almost invitation.

And then I was nearly overwhelmed by the desperately awkward and self-loathing teenager I once was.....because I've tried so hard for over a year now for them all to like me. And while they might like me, they still don't want me to be their friend.

I'm again that 13 year old, sitting alone in the cafeteria, trying to hold back tears. I'm the 5 year old hiding in the coat closet on the first day of school. I'm the college freshman, trying not to puke as I bypass the cafeteria to hide in my room, far away from the possibility of being left out.

I'm always that kid, no matter what I do.

So I'll keep sitting here on my laptop late at night, listening to melancholy music, writing about life and what I can't change. 

Once Upon A Time......

What stories can I possibly tell? That's something that bothers me as I look at a blog that goes unwritten, stories that sit unfinished and notebooks that remain blank.

So I'd better start scribbling something. 

I know I have plenty of stories to tell. I used to amuse my grandmother with re-tellings of my day/week, exaggerating just to make her laugh. I have revealed lots of childhood and high school to friends and my boyfriend...who now know far too much about my issues with dairy and sunshine, as well as parts of my previous sex life that should remain secret.

I have mastered the art of telling long convoluted stories with little to no point because my father tells long convoluted stories with little to no point. Which is also probably because my grandpa used to tell long convoluted stories with little to no point. Seriously, his "a little birdy told me" tales made opening Christmas presents last a really long time. And see, I'm telling one now....jsut getting around to talking about which long stories to tell.

Maybe I'll tell short ones.

I could tell the one about the time I was dusting my dad's workshop with a tiny brush and pan when I was about 4, maybe 5 (I wasn't in school yet that much I know) and the new vice he hadn't gotten around to securing yet fell off the counter and onto my little foot. And how I lay on the couch, one foot still encased in a Little Mermaid sneaker, the other sitting naked in the giant metal bowl we used to popcorn. Only it was full of ice water. And that's what my mother came home to: Her nervous and concerned husband and her sniffly, teary four year old wit a puffy foot soaking in ice water.

And that's when I wasn't allowed to go in my dad's workshop anymore. Didn't stop me though. I still have little purple lines on my big toe from that experience.

OR
 I could tell the one about the time I got the BRILLIANT idea to tie my large, rambunctious Black Lab/St. Bernard mix dog's leash to the handlebars of my bike. And then tried to ride around the yard like that. After having watched the live action 101 Dalmatians where I saw exactly what can happen when you tie a dog's leash to a bike.

But I'm a slow learner.

OR
I could tell the one where I was at my grandparent's house, swimming in the pool and suddenly had to pee. But everyone was outside and I was little and afraid of the shadowy hallway to the bathroom in the house. And how my uncle just told me to go in the nearby bushes. And I was just little enough to listen to him and not know any better. So I didn't tell him that girls can't pee very well without making a giant mess or going on themselves unlike boys who have an easy time because they can just whip it out. Though....I don't think I even knew that boys could "whip it out" since back then, I still believed that boys just had a weird shaped lump on their nether regions like a Ken doll.

Anyways the point is I started peeing behind a bush and then kinda on me once I realized that a plane was flying by overhead. I got all embarrassed and self conscious and started yelling at everyone that they'd told me to pee in public and I was irrationally convinced that the people in the plane had seen me taking a leak.

Again, irrational because all anyone would have seen from the plane (if they'd even been looking down) was a blue blob (the house) a smaller blue square (the pool) and tiny dots (us).

The possibilities for stories are endless. Though maybe I'll stop there today. Leave some more for later.

Trust me....I have plenty more. I should probably just bang out a memoir or something. Though my childhood was pretty normalish. And probably boring to anyone but me.

But I need  to go pack for moving. Again. That story hopefully I'll tell next.

Re-emergence

And then suddenly, I returned.

I can hardly believe that it's been about 7 months since the last time I wrote on here. If anyone is reading this at all, I'm really sorry about the long absence. Stuff happened, a lot of it, which is actually what I was going to talk about today. 

Something I've been struggling with recently is how to describe exactly what happened and more so, how I've been feeling these past few months. I don't know how to express it without it sounding kind of bad or possibly worrying those who love me. But I'm finally able to write something. So I kind of have to. For my own sanity.

In truth, everything started before the tumultuous event and then exploded.

I've been feeling kind of....hopeless for awhile. Since my job changed really. And I've been stuck in retail since October. It's draining and frustrating and somehow my creativity just dried up.

However I still had random bursts of writing. I still had my friends and my boyfriend, (who I'll call Flynn) to spend time with. I hung out with my family when it was possible. But I missed them terribly and I hated my job.

But things were still fine such as they were. Until the end of January. Until the end of my grandmother.

I tried to write about it because that's how I've always coped with everything in the past. I'd had my heart broken before and had been blocked in writing but half sentences and phrases or thoughts still escaped here and there.

This time....after a desperate stream of conscious poem during a vague night at work and a paragraph that ended before the fateful words I couldn't say or write.....other than those things, I wrote nothing. I was done.

There were no more words inside of me. They'd all dried up. And what's more it hurt too damn much to say them. To say anything really.

I couldn't even speak them out loud. I said words, everything other than what I needed to talk about because I was afraid of tears. I said everything but what was important, anything but what truly mattered. Nothing about what was going through my head and heart. I'm going to try to write it all down again, in order, because I need to get it out. But for now.....the aftermath.

I went through the days after I was dropped back off in my life. Every day felt the same. I got up and went to work. Or I slept in later and dragged myself to errands. I made myself go to stores, the bank, the laundromat, the RMV. I made phone calls, hands twitching on the table. I hung out with everyone but that felt like an effort. It was so hard to keep up some kind of happiness, a front so no one would worry.

Work was almost unbearable. I had to be cheerful all the damn time, so at the end of the day all I wanted to do was disappear into fiction, into someone else's life. So I watched movies and TV. I binged on NCIS, NCIS:LA, and Bones. I avoided certain shows my gram and I used to watch together or talk about.

My roomate, Dash, started a new job an hour away and it took up the majority of her time. So she mostly moved in with her boyfriend and his friends. My despair deepened over that time. I was alone except for work and the weekends. Flynn's family had me down once a week for dinner. My doppelganger hung out now and again but sometimes I wanted to be alone. It made it easier to not have to fake emotions. However it was stll difficult to sleep at night.

The point is that the days all drifted together. This deep sadness had an unshakable hold on me. I'd think maybe I was okay but then why was I still sad-- and then I'd remember and it would continue. I slept with all of the lights on, fearful of the world outside, the possible spirits in the apartment, and my own imagination. I stopped caring about cleaning things, looking as presentable for work, getting out of bed before 2 pm.

At some point I became aware that I was not happy, As in, I had not, in fact. been happy for a long time. At first, because I'm a twitchy paranoid person, I thought that it had something to do with my relationship. Oh no....was something wrong and I yet again took forever to notice? But that was stupid. Its' not Flynn's fault if I'm not happy 24/7 just like it's not my fault if he's not. So I felt back over the web of time and my vague emotions and realized that the last time I had been happy was about 2 minutes before my Dad told me what had happened, what had changed for all of us.

So in fact this was still grief working it's way through my system. Which only made me feel slightly better.

I didn't know how to talk about this. I hid my tears because I didn't want to bother anyone. You know how society is about grief. Cry up until the funeral and then you should have some closure. But you better damn well be your usual cheery self the day after.

So that's what I faked.

It was not that I didn't feel emotions. I did. It was just....all I felt were the negative, bad one. Sadness, anger, hatred, annoyance. Joy, laughter and happiness were just out of reach. They touched me lightly, like the way a warm spring breeze brushes your face. And then they were gone.

I couldn't write. Reading was an effort. Crowds made me grumpy and panicky. Traveling caused irrational rage. Almost everything I had enjoyed before was not fun anymore.

All I could do was continue on this long, dimly lit path, holding onto some kind of half-hearted hope that things would change. But all the while, I doubted that they would.

Slowly though, something did change. Allie Brosh, of my favorite blog ever Hyperbole and a Half, came back. And her new entry reverberated within me. I had not been to those same depths as her....but I understood what she talked about. To some extent. And suddenly, I had a positive emotion: Relief.

I was relieved that she was okay. As much as she is at this point. That she was still alive.
I was relieved that she was making it.
That she had written again.
And suddenly, I had hope that I would be able to write again.
That maybe my creativity was not an old well that had been sealed out of tragedy.
That maybe I did deserve to be happy again even though my grandmother was gone, even though I had regrets, even though.......everything.
That maybe I could feel happiness again. Someday.

I expressed how I felt to Doppelganger finally. I knew that besides my family, (who I couldn't let myself talk to about it because FEELINGS), she was the one person who could understand the level of grief that I was still wading through. And she did.

I gathered courage over a month ago and made a spontaneous decision to go back home. Back to VT to visit. And everything had changed, just as I knew it had. Just as I had tried not to acknowledge it had. But I refused to get used to it. I refused. But something within me changed.

When I got back, suddenly there were feelings. Overwhelming ones. I was nearly knocked over by laughter. I vibrated with rage. I was pumped full of determination. I was full to bursting with love.

And slowly, the anxiety came back as well. That was the only thing I had not missed over the dark period.

But that is a tale for another day.

For now, I am full of feelings, both good and bad. Sometimes it's a confusing swirl of them. Some days it's still hard to move or do anything resembling productivity or any kind of activity. But things are getting better.

And I've got the writing itch again, with words and poems bursting out of me in what looks like an endless sea. Months of feelings I couldn't express are just falling out faster than I can write them. And I'm full of an emerging drive to make life better. One word at a time.

Navigating the Love Sea

I really have abandoned this blog. I didn't mean to......it's just....I moved. And got busy. And all of a sudden I wasn't sitting sadly on my couch at 3 am listening to Third Eye Blind and writing about life. I was off.....actually living it. 

So I really am sorry to whoever has been reading this and waiting for a new entry. I didn't disappear. I'm here. 

So....I figured, here's something that I wrote a couple months ago........with a few thoughts and an update of sorts. 

There will be an actual new entry soon. Promise.

"It's really hard to navigate the romantic waters when you have no compass and barely any idea what you're looking for. 

Dating websites are the grounds for possible happiness. But the overall experience is hit or miss.....sometimes with a whole lot of misses. 

I joined one such website last month. For the most part, I've sat back and had others message me. I've only actively pursued one guy ever in my entire life and my confidence level is not quite up to the challenge again. 

But I did always respond. Whether it was to call some dude out for being a despicable human being (Seriously.....NSA hook up with you? And keep it on the DL because you have a GF? Asshole) or to joke around with some wisecracker, I did write back. 

But I was unsure of whether I really wanted to meet anyone in real life. As long as they were just online, they were okay. Safe. Fake people....words on a screen and a couple pictures. Nothing tangible. 

I even had a massive panic attack at one request to meet up.

But spontaneity made me agree to take a chance and meet up with one guy. It went well.....at first. But then my anxiety, intuition and best friends were all there to point out that I might be repeating the past again.....down a long road of dependence and control. Somewhere I promised myself I'd never go again. 

Plus, he was kind of a dick. 

Regardless, I was disappointed. Disappointed in that jerk....that he was a jerk.  Disappointed with myself for being unable to judge character. And rather angry with the universe for thrusting this lesson on me yet again. And I'm overcome by the fear that I'll keep making the same mistakes. I had hopes.....though admittedly not for any one person. 

Just the hope that someone would want me. Me, for all of me, not just because I'm apparently cute when I get mad or that I'm easily manipulated. But because I've got a big heart and I'm too honest. Because I make weird voices, act like a nutcase after sugar or caffeine, cry when characters die in books or movies, scream at spiders, and do anything for those I care about. Because I make promises and keep them, absolutely have to write ideas down as they pop into my head on anything available, and might need to have a reassuring hand touch mine in the dark. 

I want someone who will appreciate my sense of humor, understand my quirks, deal with my occasional temper and hold me when I'm crying, even though I might tell them to go the hell away. I want someone who will dance like a basketcase with me, someone who can deal with my oldies playlist and not make fun of me, talk about weird stuff until 3 am, and who can appreciate how much my family and friends mean to me. 

And it's really scary to pin these hopes to another again. But I find myself reaching out from inside, always hopeful that maybe....that person is just around the corner." 

I'm guessing that last sentence or two was influenced by Simple Plan's Just Around the Corner. Knowing me, I was probably listening to it on some mildly sad/sappy/emotional playlist while writing the above because I was feeling kind of sad....sappy.....and emotional. That used to happen a lot. But not since August. Because around the beginning-ish of that month, I decided to say....screw it. Well, not really "screw it" but more like ......screw feeling sad because I was alone. Screw being afraid of falling in love just because I didn't ever want to feel like I'd rather be an emotionless Cyberman rather than feel anything ever again. 

As a valley girl would say, that is soooooo 2011. 

But basically, I figured out a couple things: A) I was entirely over my ex Homefries, B) I was not terrified of falling in love again and what's more, C) I actually was more open to it. As in, not pretending that internet people aren't tangible. 

I told the universe in a tentative manner that I was wearing my big girl pants. Finally. So bring it on, oh great and powerful universe cupid!


And the universe did. ^_^

Totally promise......more blogs in future! And hopefully more frequently. Updates on past few months!!

So...About This 100 Things Thing...

So in lieu of an actual blog entry (because I have a few big ones to write) I figured I'd take a crack at this.
There's this thing on the internet concerning a list of 100 things about yourself. How can you really have that many things to tell....and on the internet?

Well considering that blogs are always sharing lots of information, usually about oneself......I guess there is a hell of a lot to say. So...here's my list:


1) I'm a treehugger. Both literally and figuratively.

2) I'm also a writer. Which makes it hard to be a figurative treehugger when I'm killing so many of them with my notebooks and printer paper.

3) I am an only child.

4) My closest friends are like family.

5) I would do anything for them and for my biological family.

6) I have arachnophobia.

7) The proudest day of my life was graduating cum laude from college just over a year ago. Four years after being told by my math teacher/senior project panel that I wasn't going to get anywhere in the world with my work ethic and attitude. HAH

8) My college became my home....and I'm still trying to figure out where home is now.

9) I love real big. Even after getting torn open.

10) My cat is the most lovable cat in the world.

11) I hate math. Like seriously.

12) I can't divide without a calculator. Just don't even ask.

13) And fractions are a nightmare.

14) I used to leave plastic snakes lying around my grandparents house for my grandma to find as a prank.

15) I trust people a lot less than they think I do.....and a lot less than I think I do.

16) I'm still terrified of driving.

17) In anxious moments, I sometimes pretend I'm someone else. Like I'm an actress playing a role because it's easier to be someone else than myself.

18) Audrey Hepburn is my role model.

19) Sometimes I try to channel her awesomeness when I'm in social interactions.

20) The only reason I ever wear sunglasses is to keep me from panicking in public. If my eyes are shaded, I feel better. Kinda like that kid on Big Daddy.

21) I have anxiety.....which has gotten worse over the past couple years.

22) An anxiety attack sometimes feels like it comes out of nowhere for no reason. Which is more frustrating than any that I know the cause of.

23) I try to keep it on the downlow a lot because I don't like dealing with anyone's reactions.

24) I'm double-jointed in my elbows.

25) And that is something that freaks people out when I show them.

26) I'm German, Italian, Irish, English and Dutch. And possibly Scottish.....not sure about that one. I like to call myself a patchwork quilt.

27) I really want to travel all over Europe.

28) Especially England. I absolutely love just about everything about England.

29) Including Doctor Who.

30) I have a crush on David Tennant.

31) I'm going to Bonaroo in June......and I'm so freaking excited to get to be a hippie and hear amazing music with one of my besties for 4 days.

32) I used to feel like I was born in the wrong era.

33) When I was younger, I had an easier time talking with adults or running around with smaller kids then socializing with anyone my age.

34) I always felt like kids my age were more likely to be judging me than anyone younger or older.

35) My aunt told me I was socially retarded as a child because I didn't get to play with kids outside of school.

36) I'm still trying to not be offended by that.

37) College cured me of the fear that I couldn't relate to anyone my age.

38) I cry almost every time I hear Innocence by Avril Lavigne.

39) I hate movies that make me cry.

40) I just really don't like crying in general.

41) I hate saying goodbye. Partly because that usually means I'm bawling but mostly because I miss people. A LOT. And I always have this little fear that I'm never going to see them again.

42) I worry. A LOT. About damn near everything and everyone.

43) I used to pretend my dad's battery tester was an EMF device because I wanted to be a Ghostbuster.

44) Ghosthunters is one of my favorite shows.....and I'm horribly upset that Grant is leaving.

45) I'm creeped out by ghosts but I love going ghosthunting with my best friends.

46) I'm still scared of the dark.

47) I sleep with stuffed animals.

48) Most of them make a wall around the crack between my bed and the wall.

49) I'm not comfortable sleeping unless a bed is against a wall.

50) I usually need a light on.

51) I sleep with my bedroom door open.

52) The closet door must be shut.

53) I'm paranoid

54) So that means I know how to survive any natural disaster.

55) I also know how to get out of a locked trunk, escape a kidnapping, and incapacitate someone trying to grab/hurt me.

56) I'd like to learn more about self-defense

57) I've been teaching myself the Thriller dance

58) Even though I can't stand zombies. Like at all.

59) This is mostly due to watching Dawn of The Dead which terrified the shit out of me.

60) When I was a kid, I was convinced that Dracula lived in my closet.

61) I was also confused about vampire myth and thought that he hated light of any kind. As did ghosts, zombies and the boogeyman. Hence, why I slept with a nightlight.

62) I love vampires now. Especially on Moonlight, True Blood and Underworld.

63) The Haunting In Connecticut is the most terrifying movie I've ever seen. Seriously.

64) I slept with the light on for like 2 months after watching it.

65) I'm still terrified of dumb waiters.

66) I'm absolutely scared of opening my eyes at night and finding something right up in my face, looking back at me.

67) I also don't like looking out of windows at night for the very same reason.

68) I should probably stop watching so many horror movies.

69) My favorite movies ever are the Back to the Future trilogy.

70) I can quote them. Sometimes verbatim. But usually right along with the characters. Which probably annoys anyone watching them with me, but I haven't heard any complaints yet.

71) My first celebrity crush ever was on Michael J. Fox

72) Christopher Lloyd is one of my favorite actors.

73) Even though I don't really like Death of a Salesman, I bought tickets to see it because Christopher Lloyd was playing Willy Loman. Yep...I'm a nerd.

74) I was in the front row with my mom.......and at one point, Christopher Lloyd accidentally spit in my direction. I was more in awe than disgusted. Which says a hell of a lot since spit usually really grosses me out.

75) I think I might be a fangirl.

76) I'm a major history geek.

77) I prefer pirates. Sorry, ya bloody ninjas!

78) One of my favorite time periods to study is the Revolutionary War.

79) Which just makes my move to Massachusetts even better.

80) One of my heroes is Benjamin Franklin.

81) The last time I was in Boston for a field trip, it was to go on the Freedom Trail.

82) I want to go again because I'll be a hell of a lot more impressed than I was at 11 years old.

83) The last time I was in Boston at all was to go to the Monster Ball.

84) Why yes, I am a Little Monster. I admire Gaga but I'm not toooootally gaga over her.

85) I like puns. Like, a lot.

86) And double entendres. I absolutely looooooove double entendres.

87) Which might be a reason why I like reading Shakespeare.

88) My favorite author ever is Meg Cabot. I reaaaaaaaaaally want to meet her someday.

89) But I also love Jane Austen, Agatha Christie, Howard Frank Mosher, Garrison Keillor, and J.K. Rowling.

90) I write a LOT of poetry.

91) Lately, I've been working on spoken word poetry. Just because I want to know I can do it.

92) I watch spoken word videos on Youtube....mainly Sarah Kay, Rudy Francisco and Dej Jam Poetry.

93) I have a lot of stories to finish writing.

94) I talk to my characters sometimes. I'm hoping this isn't a sign of mental illness.

95) I had imaginary friends until I was 12.

96) I was a pretty lonely kid.....which was probably why those imaginary friends stuck around so long.

97) When I'm really sad or upset, one of three movies makes me feel better: Tangled, When Harry Met Sally and Pride and Prejudice (the 2005 version with Keira Knightly and Matthew Macfadyn).

98) If I break out Sound of Music or some other musical instead, I either am really in the mood for songs.......or I am extremely down in the dumps.

99) Sometimes I wish life was more like a musical.

100) I love My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and take it's advice into my own life's issues.


TADAH! 100 things. Holy shit.

Lessons From Cartoon Ponies: Choices, Choices

Ok so here we're trying this againnnnn. Real-life breakdown of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic situations. This covers episode three, The Ticket Master.


Note: SPOILERS!


In the third episode, it opens with Twilight and Spike helping out Applejack in her family's orchard. While there, Twilight receives a letter from Princess Celestia. It's an invitation to the Grand Galloping Gala, a fancy celebration some months ahead. Included are two tickets. 


And therein lies the problem. Twilight has TWO tickets....and FIVE friends. 


They all have excellent reasons for wanting to go to Grand Galloping Gala. Applejack wants to sell apple goodies to make more money for her family. Rainbow Dash wants a chance to meet and impress the Wonderbolts, her heroes. Pinkie Pie wants to go because....well....it's the biggest party in all of Equestria and parties are what Pinkie does best. Rarity wants to go and meet the prince and live happily ever after. And Fluttershy amazingly wants to go too.....at least to see the private garden with all it's critters. 


But in all their arguing and favor-doing, they can't see how they are upsetting poor Twilight who is slowly pulling her mane out over the fact that she can't make all her friends happy.


What is she going to do?

can't please everypony

This is every friend's nightmare. Not being able to include everyone. 


Now, I've never been in this exact situation before. I've never really had tickets to some great thing and had to pick and choose between friends. But I have been in situations where not everyone can be included. 


Often as a kid and teenager, there were birthday parties or sleepovers or super-cool friendship bracelets going around. But the thing was, there were so many of us (we were a big group of friends) that there wasn't always enough stuff or space for everyone. 


Somehow, I always managed it well enough. I had few enough pals that were considered "close" so there was never really an issue including them in anything. But I remember agonizing over who would get invited to a large birthday party. There were best friends and friends and kind of friends who I played cards with during study hall or bullshitted with after school. Then there was a guy I liked who was a little older than the rest of us. How do you fit in everyone? Who do you invite to join in on your celebrations????


I imagine this is also the problem with who gets invited to your wedding or who can stand up with you there. When you want to share something special with your friends, you naturally want to share that something special with ALL of your friends. Having to choose between them......that's just too tough. (For stories about having to choose between friends and other awkward things like that....just wait for later MLP blogs. Whoooo boy do I have plenty of those kind of stories.....)


Like Twilight said in her letter to Princess Celestia at the end of the episode, "One of the joys of friendship is sharing your blessings but when there’s not enough to go around, having more than your friends feels awful." 


I'd rather hang out with all of my friends than go without them to the Grand Galloping Gala. But then.....I probably wouldn't want to go a gala anyway. But life is definitely more fun when you include everyone. 


And this is why my friends and I always have to call ahead for giant reservations before we all go out to eat :D 


"In prosperity our friends know us; in adversity we know our friends."--John Churton Collins